Friday, July 28, 2006

An Oiler Fan's Prayer



Dear Wayne,

Please imbue Raffi with the spirit of Mess, Bergeron with that of Coffey and Greene with the spirit of Lowe. Don't change Horc. He's perfect.

Please give me patience. Help me remember that five Cups in seven years is never going to happen again for any team and that sixteen years is nothing when compared to certain overhyped teams that are more interested in selling condos then winning Cups.

Give me the humility to not rub it in that last season's Oilers' team did better then any team that aforementioned pension fund has put on the ice in going on forty years.

About Horc, actually better hands would be nice.

Help Smytty realize that a hometown discount would be quite alright and that all of that American dough he made when the Loon was 60 cents American will make for a pretty decent life in Red Deer.

Remind Kevin that Smytty should be a lifer with the Oilers and if he is not resigned that his parting would result in much wailing and moaning. From Smytty himself.

Help Bergeron and Staios that they are not that pagan god Loki, they are NHL defencemen. Their job is to prevent chaos, not to create it.

Help Greene realize that like my younger self on a date when he is on the ice he should keep his hands and stick to himself.

Please let Mikhnov be the real deal.

And Captain America too.

Help me remember that Lowe knows what he is doing and that, if need be, MacT will revolutionize the game so that we no longer need defencemen and in ten years when Commissioner Shanahan gives Oilers' captain (and winger) Matt Greene the Oilers' eighth straight Cup that position will be just a memory, like the rover.

All kidding aside though, you can help us out here. Just tell Barnett to keep making the moves he's making. One less team for us to worry about.

Anyhow, sorry to have bothered you. Great work last year - another playoff win would have been nice but we'll take that extra win this year.

If you do this for me I promise to stop going to my local with my son and allowing all of the FOB Irishmen to pass him around while I drink three pints of Guinness in the hour that I am supposed to be taking him for a walk.

Scratch that.

If you give us that extra playoff victory I'll stop thinking dirty thoughts about your daughter.

Cross my heart.

Oh, and amen.

P.S. if when we are running the table for the next nine out of ten years you could arrange it that we crush a certain cuckolded gaptoothed defenceman's new team four straight each year that would be much appreciated.

Amen again.

6 comments:

lowetide said...

Did you mention a top 4, veteran puck moving defenseman? Didja?

She said...

Thank you for making my day. I love finding these kinds of treasures while I'm at work.

I actually snorted when Commish Shanny and Cap'n Greene made their appearance....*snicker*

Inspired.

Earl Sleek said...

if when we are running the table for the next nine out of ten years you could arrange it that we crush a certain cuckolded gaptoothed defenceman's new team four straight each year that would be much appreciated.

That's not fair.

Of course, if you knew that God actually played for the Ducks under the name 'Pahlsson' you might not make such a strong request.

Scarlett said...

I'll second that.

Amen!

Black Dog Hates Skunks said...

earl - look at the bright side - you'll be in the playoffs 9 out of 10 years if my prayers get answered

better then most - I'm always thinking of you buddy

The Acid Queen said...

I'll drink to that, Pat.