Monday, March 22, 2010

The Horror


Things are moving along quite nicely here in the McLean household thank you very much. Spring is coming and not a moment too soon as we were getting tired of the short days. Funny that, even though we had the easiest winter ever it still got us into a funk. Too many grey days I guess.

Last week though we had May weather in March for the kids' break so they got out on their Santa gifts (scooter and two wheeler) and hit the park and the zoo and the maple sugar bush and basically spent days outside in warm sunshine. The local ice cream joint opens up in less than two weeks and Capsule is in the semifinals (though in tough) and the wife is wearing less and less and so life is good and there are no complaints.

The two oldest are growing like mad. Our eldest has lost her front teeth and has picked up a lisp as a result and we're just waiting for one last fang to drop (think Jewel for that snaggle tooth look) and she is a reading talking growing up little machine. Its a lot of fun these days. The two oldest will get up now and she'll get breakfast ready for the two of them. Anything that means more sleep for the parents means life is golden.

And the boy is a cool little dude. We got one of those Franklin Rod Hockey games for Christmas and he had a tough time when he started playing it but now he's getting the hang of it, so much so that I am afraid I'll be getting sand kicked in my face pretty soon. I'm not all that great but I am ten times his age and when we first started playing I would take it easy on him but there wasn't much really happening out there on the 'ice'. But we played late last week and the margin of victory was three and then we played last night and I only barely eked out a win and while I'm not going full tilt as it were I'm not really fucking around. But he's figured out the goalie and the D and so its not that easy to score on him and I have a feeling that it won't be too long before I'm going to have to face off against the dog or the baby if I want victory.

Ahhh, the baby. The third one is interesting. The boy was ahead of the curve at her age because he followed his older sister everywhere when he was a tot and as a result he picked up the talking pretty quickly. With the youngest well the two oldest can now go into the basement or upstairs by themselves and she cannot go with them and so as a result she often is on her own and her parents are pretty harried so its not like we sit with her and give her our full attention. We have friends who have one who is about the same age and he knows it all the little bugger and of course he should he's got all of their time and attention. So our little one is smart as a whip but she's just catching up on the verbal. She'll be ok of course, they all come along at their own pace.

One big issue that has reared its pug ugly head recently is that she has an interesting new quirk to her personality in that she's not really a big fan of her diaper. So this is leading to problems. She has taken her diaper off while sitting on the couch and had a pee there and she has done the same while in her crib. Even worse is an alarming trend wherein she fills her diaper while having a nap, immediately wakes up, removes her clothes, unhitches the diaper and fires it out of the crib.

That is about as disgusting as it sounds. And on top of this she's damn smart. One afternoon before we put her down for her nap we put her sleeper on backwards so she couldn't remove it. Right? Right? All the buttons in the back.

Went to get her, she's stark naked, poopy diaper on the floor.

Last night was the nadir though. My wife was hitting the sack and then she called down that the baby needed changing and then she called down and said that she needed a new crib sheet and then she called down and said she needed me right away and so I come up the stairs and the baby has taken a big shit and then she's reached down into that motherlode and done a number on her crib, everything in the crib and on herself. So out come the wipes and the crib is disinfected and the sheet and blanket and stuffies go downstairs into the laundry tub where the poop is sprayed off and then into the washer they go and meanwhile the baby is bathed not once but twice because after the first time we still discover shit in her hair, behind her ear and on an eyelash.

All in all it was a pretty shitty situation.

What? What!?

;)

------------------

Its been an awful year and the weekend was a welcome relief from the awful awfulness of it all as the Oilers beat both the Sharks and the Wings and were actually full value for one of them and for that matter even though the ice was tilted by the Wings once they started skating it wasn't like Dubnyk stood on his head to get his first win.

For me this is not the worst. I mean its definitely the worst team but it still doesn't compare to three seasons ago. That was the beginning of this process but at the time after the Oilers had come within a break or two of winning it all we had high hopes and while we waited for Lowe to address the gaping holes on a team whose core still remained instead we got nothing until Smyth was traded and then the bottom fell out. And then we knew we were in trouble.

These days of course there is no faith in management at all. They destroyed this club and the idea that now they will fix what they have ruined leaves me cold. Even if they manage to move some of the deadweight contracts this summer I have no faith that Lowe and his monkey will make any good moves. Rather I expect that they will spend the money on overrated anchors once again.

Because lets face it the holes on this club are not so much holes as gaping bloody wounds. In goal we have an aging goalie with a bad back whose contract is on the books for three more years guaranteed. ADD is rotten. I'd dump him in a second. Dubnyk looks like a goalie at least and if he could cut down on those softies then maybe he might make something of himself but can you see him carrying the mail anytime soon?

On the blue I like the looks of Gilbert and Whitney and then its chaos. Can Smid do it without Lubo? Can they move Souray's contract? Peckham is a guy who is raw but he looks like a player at least and Johnson might work as a 6/7 but no matter which way you cut it these guys don't engender confidence.

And nowhere is it worse than up front, especially on the wings. Run through this roster and the big rallying cry is all of the injuries. Then look at the guys on the IR. Its Hemsky and a bunch of fourth liners. Look at the present roster. Two NHL centres in Gagner and Horcoff, a guy who might do well against the butter soft if given the right linemates in Cogliano and a couple of guys in Pouliot and Potulny who are tweeners at this point, fourth liners who can slide up the scale for a while at least.

And this is the strength up front.

On the wings there are two legitimate guys in Penner and Hemsky and then a long list of fourth liners as far as I am concerned. There are the hard working grinders in Stortini and Stone and Jones and the over the hill checkers in Moreau and Pisani and the little soft guys in Nilsson and Comrie and a guy who can't even play the game in JF Jacques.

You have Brule who might be able to shine still. He's little too but he's aggressive at least and he's got a dynamite shot and I say give him the softs next year and see what he can do.

And then you have O'Sullivan and who knows what goes on there?

So in a previous thread the question about wingers came up and why Gagner was dragging around Minard and well there just isn't anybody and so over at LT's the question is will Eberle be on this club sooner rather than later and the answer is pretty clear. Your man has gone to the A and he's doing quite well after a nice year in junior and of course he has to play his way onto the team and then you look at this roster and do you think he might not? Or how about the Swede?

They're kids and I'm not a big fan of feeding kids to the lions but goddamn look at this team, who the hell is going to beat them out for a spot on the wing. Its not like any of these guys do anything well. If it were up to me I'd pretty well cut the lot of them.

They are that bad.

But you know what's fucking funny?

Have Horcoff or Gagner play between Hemsky and Penner and then have Cogliano or Seguin centre Brule and the Swede or Eberle and give them the most buttery, soft as a plump pillowy ass minutes you can and then pick up a couple of big tough minutes wingers for Horcoff or Gagner and you know what, with a fourth line made up of the plethora of guys they can choose from this team suddenly looks better, at least up front. Stone and Pouliot and Jones and Stortini and Potulny as your scrubs lets say.

But I'm not holding my breath. There's shit everywhere and I do mean everywhere.

29 comments:

mike w said...

AAAAAAA! Poo!

Coach pb9617 said...

The two oldest are growing like mad. Our eldest has lost her front teeth and has picked up a lisp as a result and we're just waiting for one last fang to drop.

You are Dustin Brown's dad?

One big issue that has reared its pug ugly head recently is that she has an interesting new quirk to her personality in that she's not really a big fan of her diaper.

My two year old hates clothes. "I'm nakey butt!" is her new favorite saying.


Have Horcoff or Gagner play between Hemsky and Penner and then have Cogliano or Seguin centre Brule and the Swede or Eberle and give them the most buttery, soft as a plump pillowy ass minutes you can and then pick up a couple of big tough minutes wingers for Horcoff or Gagner and you know what, with a fourth line made up of the plethora of guys they can choose from this team suddenly looks better, at least up front. Stone and Pouliot and Jones and Stortini and Potulny as your scrubs lets say.

If there were an election, I'd vote you as PM.

William said...

Love it. Where else on the interweb could you find a well-written intro piece on baby shit to lead into an Oilers article? :-)

Your lineup next year carries Seguin and not Hall. You think?

I do feel for you though. Our daughter used to do what we not-so-warmly remember as "poo art". Walls, floors... RADIATORS. Imagine crib x 1000 for horror and cleaning - we scrubbed that MOFO for an hour, and still we would wake up every morning for two weeks to the smell of slowly warming/baking shit...

macaotim said...

"And the boy is a cool little dude."

And, buy using the word dude, you are not!

Our one and only is 17 months and no shit disasters to date. However, after some time spent in mainland China, our tolerance to shit disasters is through the roof.

Black Dog said...

Haha Tim, wait a second ....!!!

Coach - that's weird because 'I'm nakey butt' is also my favourite saying.

And William, that is truly fucking disgusting. Oh my God.

As for Seguin v Hall, I think either will be fine. I just prefer Seguin because he's a centre. He SHOULD be a guy who can slot is as a number one tough minutes guy who can also produce offence or at worse a soft minutes killer based on his pedigree. Running with him, Gagner and Horcoff up the middle would be a nice start.

If MPS is all that and the Oilers can sign Penner again then you're set with two LWs.

That's all. I think either is a fine pick, personally I just think Seguin is a) better and b) a centre is a better pick than a winger.

spOILer said...

I'd sure like to know the effect Katz has had on management's efforts since buying the joint before sending them all off to the gallows.

Rumour has it Lowe called re-build 3 years ago and got vetoed. If that's the case, I'm willing to allow a little mea culpa.

Lebowski said...

Spoiler: I have not heard that rumor that Lowe called for a rebuild. Who vetoed him? The EIG? If so the dynamics between EIG and Katz may be the reason for all the stupid moves in 2007-08.

But what about 2009--Khabibulin and Heatley? Is this Katz?

spOILer said...

The Dude...

I dunno. I had posted something about the possibility of Katz meddling on LT's blog about 3-4 weeks back and a regular there replied that some comments to that effect had been made, I believe on one of the radio shows, but I'm not sure by who.

We know Katz wanted Laraque, & Hossa, so I don't think Heatley is a stretch. Hossa turned down the Oil allegedly because of a lack of playoff goaltending, and then wham-o we get Khabib prior to the Heatley play.

So while I have nothing to source for you (sorry), I find it a definite possiblity. I'm as curious as you are.

Black Dog said...

Off with their heads! I'm in no mood for compromise! ;)

macaotim said...

Agreed, off with their heads. I also agree on your view about taking the center. I am not very excited about either of these two guys. I could be wrong, but neither makes me think "oh goodie." Do others think these 2 are worth getting that excited about? Lots of talk about trading for the number 2 pick as well. Not so sure...

Black Dog said...

Tim, I think that either guy is going to be totally fine. We're not talking Crosby but I think they're both going to be very good players. Only time will tell what sort of impact of course but the two have put a lot of separation between them and the rest of the peak, I think they're legitimate quality.

uni said...

Jonathan Willis did a few comps, and Hall and Seguin rank within the range.

I'd be very happy with a Kane or Toews myself, and if Seguin can track and develop like Toews then I'm all for him over Hall.

BDHS: you have a truly disturbing blog, from the caption at the top in regards to Pierre's little monster, to the fecal themed post and comments.

I used to think of children as financial burdens and little awkward moment generators...now I also think of them as poop factories. I may never have any of my own now. Then again there was a very good chance of that regardless of what I wanted anyway =).

uni said...

Also here's hoping the Oiler's don't do what you're hoping for, and run JDD out there every night.

I'm starting to buy into the Adam Larsson hype, and a plethora of pagan gods know that the Oil would be a helluva lot more fun to watch in the next 20 years with Adam Larsson in the fold. That is if he reaches his peak potential. Is a better version of Vishnovsky with size and some sandpaper too much to ask for?

Verification word: froth

macaotim said...

Dog,

Thanks for the reassurance. Sadly, I seem to have a 6th sense about these things. However, I thought Stamkos (sp?) might stink too, and I was dead wrong. I guess I'm a bit tweaked-up because the blog world seems to think that one of these two guys is going to be our savior. Any good team needs way more than one good draft pick to turn the tide...they need...um...like...well a good team! If we are looking at it from that standpoint, then the center makes sense.

Over at LT's site you made a comment about Hall looking a bit freaky. Your comments may sound pretty shallow to some, but if I want to hang a poster of this guy in my son's room, the last thing I want is him staring at a life-sized poster of Frankenstein (sans bolts) before bed every night. I'll never get to sleep with that little guy screaming in horror.

Black Dog said...

Tim - he just has that hockey guy look - same as Nathan Horton and Getzlaf - big lips and teeth, big head, vacant stare

btw ever notice how most athletes have freakishly big teeth? seriously I've noticed this from watching the Olympics, wonder if its a genetic thing - Becky Scott, Sara Renner, Chandra Crawford, thats just off the top of my head

In any case I think either pick will be fine, I think we're looking at a couple of guys who will either becoem soft minute killers or strong tough minute guys who produce a lot of offence as well.

Good deal either way.

Black Dog said...

uni - I don't think they have the sense to put together a decent team anyway so Larsson or another lottery pick may be in the offing anyways, which would be helpful.

To go back to what Tim said they need to accumulate guys to build a team. So they presently have a decent stable of prospects I think. Hard to say what will happen wiht injuries or which guys turn out but presently we are looking at:

Hall/Seguin, MPS, Gagner, Eberle, Lander, Brule, Cogliano, Nash, Vande Velde, Penner, Hemsky, Hartkinen, Omark, Gilbert, Whitney, Petry, Motin, Plante, Peckham, Smid, Dubnyk as a list of young/youngish players who may (or may not) pan out as useful players.

That's jmo. I've cut Nilsson, O'Sullivan, JDD and of course as I said some guys might not pan out, who knows if the older guys will still be around, there's still some overlap in player types.

Anyhow there we are.

LittleFury said...

This blog is better birth control than a IUD.

Bar Qu said...

Parenthood is learning that there is nothing better than poop in the toilet. And that you don't have to fear any bodily excretions.

I remain upbeat about the team because they have so many good young players in the system. And there is no way they can finish 30th again next year and management heads stay in place. I don't care how much FOKatz comes into play, losing managers always lose there job. Generally.

macaotim said...

Dogity-Dog,

"big lips and teeth, big head, vacant stare"

These are all great features if you're rich and trying to buy your kid a pony. I thought Craig Simpson was kinda dreamy and he scored 50!

But you might have a point...Crosby has pretty big lips...

Hmmmm...

Lebowski said...

Guys: I got banned from Lowetide's site tonight and he told me to take the gas pipe.

Did I go over the line in my comments on hockey players from a certain country? If any one here (I recognize some names) feels I've been offensive I certainly apologize.

My comment on the other country was an attempt at humor, just like Mel Brooks and I referred specifically to Blazing Saddles.

Any way I feel quite contrite, but I am also surprised about being told to commit suicide.

Anonymous said...

@ Lebowski- your comments were not out of line, its classic double standard stuff. A few nights back the Oil/Canucks thread had a few douchebags hoping for injuries to the Canucks and allthewhile ripping the fans that follow them.
Either way, who cares. There are bigger things than the NHL and its entitled millionaires.

R O said...

btw ever notice how most athletes have freakishly big teeth? seriously I've noticed this from watching the Olympics, wonder if its a genetic thing - Becky Scott, Sara Renner, Chandra Crawford, thats just off the top of my head

Clara Hughes man, Clara Hughes.

uni said...

Catriona Lemay Doan had fairly large teeth if I recall.

If Little Red Riding Hood is to be believed, it's to better eat with.

Lebowski: I don't think it was so much the Blazing Saddles quote, as the comments before on getting Canadian players over 'those' Russians, then the follow up comments on Russians. Joking is one thing, but yours went a bit beyond that since you had comments leading up to it and then just went off the rails.

I've known people that make jokes like that and have a history of doing it, and it always gets real uncomfortable when I point out that I'm an immigrant.

Black Dog said...

Kristina Groves, Jenn Heil, oh yeah Clara Hughes and Katrina LeMay Doan

Black Dog said...

Lebowski - I didn't find it offensive but if you read the thread there were a few folks who piped up right away who did so that's a tell and I've 'known' most of those folks for years and they're all pretty reasonable.

As is LT.

As for our anonymous commenter's point well on internet hockey sites there's always going to be talk about wishing injury to the other team's guys and stuff like that. There's a difference. LT is well known and people in Edmonton know who he is and he is respnsible for that site. He couldn't let what you said slide plus he probably found it offensive himself.

Having said that just apologize, he's a very cool and very reasonable guy. You didn't mean any malice, I think, right?

That's my take fwiw.

uni said...

Lebowski: Maybe you should get one of those sarcastic symbols that Book¡e uses, you know ¡.

Alt + 0161 will get you an inverted exclamation mark that's close enough to ¡

Pete. said...

Lebowski: I thought your comments were funny, and I'm half-Slav, so I'm allowed. That's how it works, right?

Then again, I've been told I'm a bit of a dick, and I used to get banned from various sites semi-regularly, so maybe my amusement is a bad sign.

Just go apologize to LT and, I hope, be reinstated. I like your posts over there, and wish to continue reading them.

"Take the gas pipe" also amuses me.

Lebowski said...

Guys: Thanks for the feedback. It salves the wounds somewhat. I have to admit I had some trouble sleeping last night. So if I have a thin skin I should be careful in what I write and be more sensitive to others.

LT has lifted his ban and I have extended my apologizes.

And by the way, I'm 100% Slav and my best girlfriends had roots in the Emerald Isle.

spOILer said...

I missed the whole brouhaha, yet again.